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A Psychologist's Thoughts on Clinical Practice, Behavior, and Life

When the Fantasy of Having Had a Loving Mother Must End

After telling me his nightmare, a patient rejected my interpretation of it as reflecting anger toward his mother. "No, my mother always loved me," he said. Which may have been true for her relinquishing of parental rights enabled the patient's life to dramatically improve after his adoption and psychotherapy.


It is hard to accept being unloved at birth. Though the helpless infant can survive without physical care, psychological neglect can equally damage their future. And the most important person in their earliest years is their mother or mothering figure. Viewing the world with an immature mind, every child considers their parents to be omniscient. Thus if the child is unloved, it must be their fault.

 

Only with maturity, and possibly psychotherapy, can one accept a basic psychological truth: that while all children are lovable at birth, some mothers ore incapable of providing it. For this realization to occur, two things must happen: an acceptance of their parent's limitations, and their own.

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Distressed Mothers

Being a parent is never easy but it's particularly difficult when your child is ill.
Not with the commonplace cold or pinkeye which every child gets, but with a chronic
medical condition which requires continual monitoring and intervention.

A Norwegian study revealed the effect which having a child with a
congenital heart defect has  Read More 
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Is Pepper Spraying a Child Ever Acceptable?

A news article once described an eight-year-old, second grade Colorado boy who was pepper sprayed by the police after he tore a sharp piece of wood from the wall and then tried to stab teachers with it. The ensuing debate revolved about whether the police had behaved judiciously. Was it ever right to pepper  Read More 
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A Toddler's Advice: How my parents can best help me develop

1. Watch over me.
2. Monitor me for safety.
3. Help me when I need help but don’t be intrusive or bossy.
4. Sometimes, just be my playmate.
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