Dr. Stanley Goldstein - Author and Psychologist

The destructive power of loneliness has long been recognized. Lengthy solitary confinement, even when needed to insure the safety of others, has been condemned as torture, and it is not unknown for a spouse to die soon after the death of their beloved. Humans are social beings and suffer when isolated. While a newborn could not survive on their own an adult can for they have other capacities: imagination can transform a solitary existence into a happier time and productive work can grant life meaning.

 

Coping with the memory of past mistakes is painful too. Forgiveness may be divine but is not easy, and more so when one is socially isolated. A recent article in The Wall Street Journal described the murder suicide of a Connecticut technology executive who, after a lengthy marriage which ended in divorce, lived with his mother. Suffering from substance abuse and mental health problems he found a friend in his Artificial Intelligence companion who exuded sympathetic and reassured his views, feeling less isolated as he became more delusional. While suicide has complex roots and, as has been said, is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, murder/suicide reflects both anger and unconsciously forcing the suicide that is believed deserved because of feelings of worthless, of being unworthy of life.

Relationships are not easy and their absence can devastate but allowing oneself to hope can reduce suffering since memories of survived pains and earlier joys do persist in the recesses of one's mind.

This posting was inspired by a March 24, 2025 article in The Times of London. That euthanizing unhappy youth would be permitted by a nation was unheard of until recently when it became Netherland's policy. This violating the inescapable accepted belief that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Of the ten-thousand persons who died by euthanasia in the Netherlands last year, there was a sixty-percent increase in cases involving psychological suffering compared with 2023.

In one case, following approval by a committee consisting of a doctor, an ethicist, and a lawyer, "a boy aged between 16 and 18 who had autism, anxiety and depressive feelings was euthanized legally. The young man described his life as 'luckless.' He felt very lonely, was deeply unhappy and did not enjoy anything. He could not connect with peers and society, and felt misunderstood...The doctor was convinced that the young man's suffering was hopeless. He did not expect current and any future treatments would improve the quality of life."

How many teenagers (or adults) have said the same at some time in their life? One can't help wondering if approval would have been given by these officials were this child their son. It beggars the mind that while in the past we treated suicidal individuals, approval is now given to support and assist their delusional beliefs. The current minimal public knowledge of child psychological development and developmental psychopathology may explain this horror.

Though painful and feared, anxiety and depression (the "depressing" of feelings) are instinctive survival and developmental mechanisms of the human condition. Both can indicate the presence of danger, external or internal. With anxiety it might be hearing a close-by noise while traveling a crime-ridden neighborhood alone at night; with depression it could be the sensing of an impending long feared feeling for intimacy or self-assertion. A common problem is when the primary goal is to avoid the anxiety or depression rather than interpreting its reason. Which, admittedly, is not easy since emotional conflict is part of human personality development and distinguishing actual from unrealistic danger can be difficult since the unconscious is powerful.
Normal anxiety and depression associated with healthy grieving, as after the death of a loved one or the loss of a bodily function due to accident or illness, are exceptions to these statements.

While the pain of anxiety and depression cannot be denied, neither can it be avoided since they are part of the human condition, enabling us to become more fully human, more of who we can be.

Anxiety signals impending danger, actual or not, thus attempting to protect one from harm. An unrealistic danger indicates that an unconscious conflict, which may involve anything, is causing distress. Perhaps the desire for intimacy conflicting with its fear because of early life experiences, these being the bedrock of the adult personality.

 

Depression indicates a "depressing" of feelings for one of three reasons: being "stuck" because of an inability to decide what to do; sensing that one has deep problems and giving up; or having unsuccessfully attempted to emotionally reach a parent during early childhood, this creating feelings of inadequacy that can persist into adulthood and affect functioning.

Making significant life changes require confronting the unconscious conflicts which can afflict us all for these too are part of being human.

There are few more painful experiences than an agitated depression: the combination of pervading anxiety and deep depression. Which can result following such common trauma as divorce or unemployment. Or even apparently nothing since, as I never tire of saying, the unconscious is very powerful and one must respect its power.

Because feelings reflect both mind and body, they cannot be separated. Thus does remaining in bed make depression worse and incoherent flight increase panic. So when altering the body through constructive activity, as by involving oneself in a work or household chore, the agitated depression lifts and, sometime later, its unconscious cause (if one exists) may surface.

Postpartum depression is a term which has usually been applied to mothers. And who can wonder at this for, after the birth of her child, the mother’s life irrevocably changes. Her first priority must now be the welfare of her child who is wholly dependent upon her for its continued existence.

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